If someone would ask me in a survey or so if I identified as queer—I would say “yes,” because I do—I’m aromantic, asexual, agender, otherkin, and, at this point, only God knows what else. However, no matter how hard I try, I still don’t feel queer, rather feeling more like I’m in this kind of limbo-state where I’m merely tolerated; like I’m faking it, somehow.
I recognise this is due to some kind of impostor syndrome; I spend my time in online queer communities living in some kind of bubble, like an invisible barrier that I can’t seem to pass no matter how hard I try, without lying to myself and putting on a performance; a caricature, even, of who I really am, which would eventually come to break me apart.
I Love the Fediverse, But it Doesn’t Love me Back
It’s been a few months now, and I’m over it for the most part. Now I think I can probably discuss this in a way that doesn’t sound like incoherent angry rambling.
To start with, I’m robotkin¹, and I have been for pretty much all my life; only discovering it at some evening in June, 2023.
I did find a few robotkin communities—some of which were nice, but for the most part they were more hassle than what they were really worth; and the Fediverse falls into the latter category, which is a shame—I really, really wanted to love the Fediverse, but I found less and less reasons to as time progressed.
To start, the robotkin communities on the Fediverse just felt… overwhelmingly samey—often overwhelmingly female (or nonbinary but female-leaning) and overwhelmingly sexualised. These two points constantly drove home this feeling that, no matter where I went, I was still in the out-group—even when I tried to find groups of people who were like me. I tried fitting in for a while, before reaching a breaking point and realising that I couldn’t keep going on like that—I couldn’t keep lying to myself, I couldn’t keep trying to fit in, and I broke apart.
At last, as I write this, it is March, 2026—and I feel like I’m seeing myself in the mental mirror again. These are words I’ve been wanting to get out of my head for months.
What am I saying here?
I think this is a message directed at a specific kind of person; it’s chaotic, it’s a bit everywhere, but it’s a post I’ve wanted to make with a level head for months. The message is directed at the Fediverse, it seems, and the message is to accept that there will be people less queer than you. Everyone has a different path to self-discovery, and everyone stops the train at some point, satisfied with themselves—they might identify with, or as, robots, but they might not feel like changing their gender², and they shouldn’t be seen as a “lesser” member of a community as a result.
¹ Not exclusively, and in a really abstract form. See Protect and Survive for more information.
² This is a sidenote, but please, please, stop using “robot girl” as a default. It’s exclusionary to people who don’t identify as feminine, and, frankly, it’s incredibly grating. Not everyone is a Super Sexy Robot Girl.